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Am I Talking to You?

by Emma Hill

/
1.
Hey, here I am. I’ve been up since 6 AM, worrying again. Hey, how are you? Are you brushing your teeth? When was the last time you had something good to eat? Is it better than love? Have you forgotten your friends? Have you told yourself you’re only worthy of a car and all dead ends? Am I talking to you? Am I talking to me? How much hurt must we both feel before we heal and we’re both free? Am I talking to you? Am I talking to me? You’re all alone and these days it seems that’s how you like to be. But, oh, you’re not alone. You’re just lonely and trapped up ignoring your own soul. Oh, please don’t forget that man inside that body and the way you could have been and the way you still could be.
2.
I’ll take two steps back if you meet me in the middle. Come to terms with the fact that you love me just a little. I’m a firecracker you can watch me burn. I can light up the night, but we might get hurt. Don’t say you didn’t hear it from me. I might fly like a bird, but my heart ain’t free. I’m still stuck playin’ this same old deck. It’s all hopeful hands and risky bets. And it can take all day. To climb up to the top you gotta risk it all. And it’s a long way, but it’s only two seconds flat when you fall. We spent the summer being lonely together. ‘Cause even in sorrow company is better. We drank and we cried ‘til we both near drowned. Now I know it’s time to put the bottle down. Don’t say you think you know better than me. I’m a grown ass woman and I know what I need. Twenty nine years may not seem real long, but the years are always longer when they’re already gone. And it can take all day. To climb up to the top you gotta risk it all. And it’s a long way, but it’s only two seconds flat when you fall.
3.
4.
Come Undone 03:38
I tried calling, but you never pick up. I know that I hurt you, and I never should have left. I hope you won’t hold it against me; I can’t seem to sit still. I go where the wind blows me, always lookin’ for some thrill. You oughta know by now that I was born to ramble. Always lookin’ for some new kinda sign, some kinda change that even I can’t seem to handle. You oughta know by now that I was born to run. Always lookin’ for some new kinda sign, some new sick sense of fun. ‘Til I come undone. I wrote all kinds of letters, but you never wrote back. I don’t know if you’re angry or some new kind of sad. Find me in the deep Pacific. I found a new kind of light. Not the kind that shines above me, but the kind that beckons from deep inside. You oughta know by now that I was born to ramble. Always lookin’ for some new kinda sign, some kinda change that even I can’t seem to handle. You oughta know by now that I was born to run. Always lookin’ for some new kinda sign, some new sick sense of fun. ‘Til I come undone.
5.
Don’t call my phone. Don’t knock on my door. Don’t write me no letter, you ain’t welcome no more. Don’t speak my name, don’t write me down in your book. Don’t rewrite my story, it happened just as it looks. There was a bad guy, and that bad guy was you, so don’t tell me you’re sorry, cause I’ll tell you we’re through. No, don’t knock on my door. You ain’t welcome no more. You said you’d meant well and you’d do me right. I say withholding the truth is just the same as a lie. And your sharp tongue, it cuts just like a knife. I know that you’re angry cause you know that I’m right. But don’t knock on my door. You ain’t welcome no more.
6.
In Too Deep 03:11
How deep is too deep? I thought that I could swim. Now I’m sitting here just wondering about this mess that I’m in. How old is too old? These days just get longer. How cold is too cold? I could have sworn that I was stronger. Yeah, you can laugh, now that I am down. Go spread your rumors all over town. But I was strong for so very long. Can’t a girl admit that she was wrong? How loose is too loose? I thought that I could tie a knot. Lookin’ back on everywhere that I’ve been, just how far could I have gone? How high is too high? I don’t assume to know. Do we find out by climbing, or just allow ourselves to grow? Yeah, you can laugh, now that I am down. Go spread your rumors all over town. But I was strong for so fucking long. Can’t a girl admit that she was wrong?
7.
The Light 04:30
It’s cold and dark and I haven’t left my bed. You’re miles away and you haven’t left my head. You haven’t left my head. I could cry a thousand tears and still not explain just how this feels. When the dark sets in and your heart might stop. You can’t find your breath and you’re all fucked up. Can you hear me now, as it fades to black? I beg the clouds to part, to bring me back the light. The light. This lie won’t last. It’s tearing me apart. I can’t pretend I’m not a broken heart. I’m not a broken heart. I could cry a thousand tears and still not explain just how this feels. When the dark sets in and your heart might stop. You can’t find your breath and you’re all fucked up. Can you hear me now, as it fades to black? I beg the clouds to part, to bring me back the light. The light.
8.
I woke up this mornin’ on the right side of the bed. I must have dreamt all of those bad thoughts out my head, honey. I’ve been down, we’ve been down a long time. Weather called for rain but the sun is shining. Days like today ain’t no good for hiding out. I’ve been down, we’ve been down a long time. And oh, even when it feels like falling. You think maybe heaven is calling out. You know that something’s got to give. Oh, darling, you gotta love the life you live. Turned off the news ‘cause it was just too scary. They’re feeding fear and can’t help but carry on. It’s been hard, it’s been hard a long time. Fear, hate and greed will try to divide us, but only love can reunite us all. It’s been hard, it’s been hard a long time. And, oh, even when these times are trying. It seems like every heart is crying out. You know that something’s got to give. Oh, friends, you gotta love the life you live. And, oh, I ain’t sayin’ it’ll be easy. I ain’t sayin’ change is comin’ fast, but we better keep believing that we’re gonna learn from the past. I ain’t sayin’ it’ll be easy. I ain’t sayin’ change is comin’ fast, but we better keep believing that we’re gonna learn from our past.

credits

released May 4, 2018

Produced by Emma Hill, Bryan Daste and Zach Hill
Recorded by Bryan Daste at The Magic Closet, Portland, OR
Acoustic guitar and lead vocals for “Don’t Knock on My Door” recorded by James Glaves at The Tone Palace, Anchorage, AK
Mixed by Bryan Daste at Dream Tree Studios Northwest, Portland, OR
Mastered by Jeff Lipton at Peerless Mastering, Boston, MA
Assistant mastering engineer: Maria Rice
Photos by Lauren Johnson
Cover by Laura Lauterbach
Graphic design by Alan Wasem

Emma Hill - vocals, acoustic guitar
Bryan Daste - vocals, pedal steel guitar, banjo, upright bass, dobro, electric and acoustic guitars, ukulele, keys, saxophones, percussion, string and horn arrangements
Joe Mengis - drums, percussion
Mont Christopher Hubbard - piano, electric piano on “Come Undone”
Kyleen King - viola, violin
Emily Dalsfoist - cello
Chris Valentine - trombone
Paul Brainard - trumpet

Kuskokwim Records

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Emma Hill Anchorage, Alaska

Growing up in the small Alaskan village of Sleetmute to her worldwide travels, Emma has worked hard to position herself as a force in the music world. Her albums have received national recognition and she has toured them nationally and internationally. Splitting her time between touring and home, she has shown her dedication to keeping music alive wherever she goes. ... more

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